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Diary of an (Un)Teenager
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Return of the (Un)Teenager, by Pete Johnson

The (Un) teenager returns!

Spencer and Emily kissed a few weeks ago (and he found the kiss ‘quite refreshing,’) but they haven’t talked since. So he decides to take action about that and ask her out ...

Hilarious, much-requested sequel to the best-selling ‘Diary of an (Un) Teenager.’ This time Spencer even enters the world of Facebook – with extremely funny results.

"Spencer, at thirteen is resisting the pressure to leave the familiar, comforting world of childhood behind. Something that is so easy to identify with and yet often hard to admit to. Spencer gives all the doubts and insecurities a voice and in doing so, perhaps offers a refuge to others at the same stage …The book ends on a rewarding and nicely comic note too."
Linda Sargent, Armadillo

Barrington Stoke | 96-page paperback
ISBN-10: 1842998390
ISBN-13: 978-18429983970

Two extracts from Return of the (Un)Teenager

Spencer goes to a school disco for just one reason – to ask Emily out. He wears the clothes he feels comfortable in – including a ‘very smart orange jumper which my Nan knitted for me, with a matching knitted tie.’ He gets lots of rude comments but doesn’t care. Then he sees Emily with her friend Jade.

Extract 1:

8.40pm

         Emily and Jade were standing together with little plates of food.

         I rushed over. ‘What’s the food like?’ I asked.

         ‘Nearly as terrible as your jumper,’ replied Jade.

         I pretended to laugh.

         ‘Aren’t you eating?’ asked Emily.

         ‘Oh I will in a moment,’ I said. ‘But I had rather a big tea. Mum likes me to have lots of vegetables.’

         ‘How very interesting,’ said Jade.  She was being extra rude to me tonight. And she was wearing tons of bangles which made a racket and clattered all the time. Still, she wasn’t important.

         Only Emily.

         And I can normally talk to her so easily, but today I couldn’t think of one thing to say. It must have been the jangling noise Jade’s bangles were making. And Emily seemed to be in a bit of a dream too.

         ‘I think the weather’s going to be good for the next few days,’ I said, at last.

         ‘Oh, is it?’ said Emily.

         ‘Yes, no rain until at least Tuesday.’ I went on. ‘Maybe even Wednesday or Thursday if we’re lucky. Still, rain is very good for the garden.’ I wanted to ask Emily out. But all I could talk about was the weather.

         I tried again. ‘What I really wanted to ask you …’ I said.

         Emily looked up. ‘Yes.’

         Now I just had to say one simple sentence – ‘Would you like to go out with me?’ – but instead I gave this odd high squeaky cry. I sounded like a parrot. What’s happened to my voice? All at once, it’s out of control.

         And then, before I could try and say another word Jade pulled Emily away – to talk to another girl.

         ‘See you later,’ I screeched.

         Emily did look back and I’m sure she nodded

                                                      

Later Spencer’s best mate Zac goes on Facebook. He makes over 60 new friends – none of whom he has actually met. He even gets a girlfriend, Sarah. He hasn’t met her either. He is to finally see her at a party. He has persuaded Spencer to go along too – but first he has something important to tell him.

Extract 2:

Saturday August 15th

6.00pm

         I was just putting on the dreaded hoodie when Zac called round. My dad’s giving us a lift to the party but Zac was very early. I sensed he had something important to tell me.

         Zac started to walk around my bedroom. ‘When you meet Sarah, my girl-friend, tonight – well, she knows I like footie. But she also thinks I’m in the school team ... well, I was nearly picked, wasn’t I?’

         I nodded.

         ‘And she thinks I’m the school team’s star player.’

         ‘All right,’ I say.

         ‘She also thinks I had a trial for Chelsea last week.’

         ‘What!’ I cried.

         ‘Yeah, got a little bit carried away there. But she was dead impressed. I also go mountain climbing a lot. And oh, yeah – once I helped you.’

         ‘What did you do?’ I asked.

         ‘Oh, nothing much really – just saved your life. You’d been swimming and went out too far. So I had to rescue you.’

         ‘You’re a champion swimmer I suppose,’ I said.

         ‘I’ve won six cups, yeah,’ Zac said.

         ‘What about if she wants to see them?’ I asked.

         ‘I’ll have to say I keep them all in my uncle’s castle.’

         ‘You’ve got an uncle with a castle?’

         ‘Oh yeah. And I told her I’m going to be in a film soon.’

         I started to laugh.

         ‘It’s not funny,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean to make up all this stuff. But I’m going out with an amazingly hot girl. So I’ve got to try and impress her. And it doesn’t feel like you’re lying, when you say it on the internet. You’re just trying on a new image. You even start to believe it yourself. So don’t let me down, will you?’

         ‘I’ll just nod at everything you say,’ I told him.

         ‘I will tell her the truth,’ said Zac, ‘one day. Well come on, let’s split.’

         I took one last look round my bedroom. It always seems extra friendly when I’m leaving it to go to school discos or parties.

 

Will Spencer ever ask Emily out?

What happens when Zac finally meets his ‘girlfriend?’

And why on earth is Spencer chucked out of the party?

The fun-packed sequel to ‘Diary of an (Un)teenager which once again takes a highly satirical look at teenage life through the eyes of ‘an (Un)teenager.’